Martz Madness - Boys XC Preview

Nobody knows exactly how this sport got started, but we can guess. In ancient times, tribe leaders were said to punish the awkward and underdeveloped youth by making them run long distances for absolutely no reason. This custom continued because it gave those unfortunate young boys a group to bond with. It eventually became the sport of Cross Country.


As little as I know about cross country, I guess I am more qualified than Stan or David to write this preview because I am on the team. I will start by explaining the nature of the sport. Practices consist of a group of boys ranging from 4'6'' to 6'4'' putting on the shortest shorts they can find and running around town with reckless abandon. The confident ones even venture to take off their shirts, in hopes of attracting the attention of the hotties driving by. At meets (a 5K run), the 7 fastest guys run varsity and the rest run JV or Fresh/Soph.

As far as West High Cross Country goes, we all know Frank Canady, but I'm going to try to give you a feel for the rest of the team that runs in Frank's shadow (or at least for the guys whose names I know).

Varsity
Frank Canady - Frank was 3rd in the pre-season rankings, and is the only ranked member of the team. Although his lame jokes and sexual inuendos seem to depress the team, his ridiculously fast times on the course make up for the lost motivation.

Matt Eckman - Matt is a cross country kind of guy (see what I did there?). His long legs and dedication will carry him far this season. Also, his normalcy puts him on the short list of people I can actually talk to during practice.

Tyler Chenhall - Tyler has always been good at XC. It was always him and Frank leading the pack at Northwest. He has gotten considerably faster since then by making the tough decision to discontinue his bowl cut.

Ben Hall - Since his friends all left for college, Ben has had more time to focus on the sport. He joins Matt on the list of people who can hold a conversation.

Ryson Something - He's fast.

Varsity Kid #6 - He's also fast.

Varsity Kid #7 - He's pretty fast too.

Other Runners
Rob Grady - Grady is a decent runner, but is suceptible to sneak attacks, during which Ben Goerdt and Jon Skarda abruptly and covertly speed past him in a moment of glory. He dreams of the day that he will successfully launch a sneak attack on Goerdt and Skarda, but that day will never come... and that's a promise.

Eric Dotseth - Eric has been plauged by injuries in the first few weeks of practice. When he's not running, he enjoys long, awkward walks on the beach and talking while Coach Martz tries to give instructions.

Jon Skarda and Ben Goerdt (me)- This is Jon and Ben's first XC season, and it has been a productive one so far. They run XC to stay in shape for wrestling as well as for some other reasons. They are set apart from the rest of the team because of their ability to put weights on each side of a bar before attempting to lift it (Ben Hall just lifts the entire rack). They look forward to team meals the night before meets.

Yamanashi - Named by Skarda and Goerdt, Yamanashi is a decent XC runner until the last 400 meters, during which he becomes a super saiyan and passes other runners at will. Don't try to look him up on the roster, because Yamanashi is not his real name, although it should be. Note: The name Yamanashi comes from Mad TV's Coach Hines.

Sahan - Perhaps the most famous member of the team besides Frank, Sahan jogs hard every second of every practice (except when he's walking). He enjoys flaunting his taco meat during practice and gives the team some much needed diversity.

Thats about everyone I know slash feel like talking about. Be sure to come to the West High Invitational on September 29 at the Ashton XC Course at 4:30!

JV Superstar,
Ben Goerdt

Here is a video to put you in the mood. You're welcome Jared.

p.s. If I offended anyone in cross country I sincerely apologize. The sport takes a lot of dedication and hard work and I respect everyone who goes out.

p.s.s. If anyone has a suggestion for a nickname, leave a comment.